Pymatuning trip~~~~

Ethan it is the time of year to go to our camp, i do not know if i can do it yet. i am still so fragile with my feeling and i will be for awhile but i do not know if i am ready yet~~the last time we were there you were just starting to show symptoms, oh baby give me a sigh what should i do. i will get there but i think it is so soon~~~that was and still is our family place, boating rides, swimming, mud puddles, ice cream at yorkies, talking walks and just loving each other. but you are missing and it just kills me inside. i am going to go dream of you, i will see you in my dreams~~
i love you and miss you so much my prince,mommy

mising you badly ethan bug~~~~~

Ethan hope you like the new pooh balloon i brought you today, also the grass is growing, also my heart and hands are longing for you. sissy came today for the first time, i explained how you were in the ground out of pain and no more cancer aka yuckies. she said so cute he brother blankie, i just looked at her, she said brother cold blankie. i just started to cry, whe ran to me and said hold like you always did and told me to stop and brushed my tears away. then this evening we were out towards the cemetary again so i asked daddy if he would stop, he said ok. see it was daddys first time coming since the funeral, he said the angel, little stone, balloon and blue pinwheel looked good. we cried together and both agreed it is not fair that we have to go see you , our baby boy, at the cemetary, you should be with us playing and loving life~~~

the last week has been so busy, we went to a pens game and were treated to dinner and tickets, the game lasted 6 periods. we did not win but i felt your presence their. i would look to where we sat on valentines day for the hockey game and cry, we had such a good time.
then saturday we still had the prom, we celebrated you beautiful life. there was laughter but there was also tears. in some pictures there is a circle that someone says means a spirit is there. well in one of the pics with me you must have been there on my chest, also in one with uncle joey there is a circle on his leg. i felt your presence~~~

today grammy went home , she had been here for awhile. she has been helping mommy get through this, she will be back to see us in june~~~sarah now calls her gigi, sarah keeps us all going these days. without her making us laugh and cry we do not know what we would do. we still call her sissy alot especially me. she talks to the pictures of you and the ones of you and her, she always grabs the phone and starts taking to brother~~she loves you so much, and i will make sure she never ever forgets you!!!

i love you so much baby boy,
even more than chocolate~~~

you mommy always and forever


~~mommy added a family picture and a picture of your beautiful sissy~~

From Your Angel in Heaven

I see tears fall down your face when your thoughts have turned to me. Just know that I’m in heaven,With my Lord, who’s set me free. No pain or sadness do I feel,For God is by my side.

The beauty here in Heaven is now where I reside. I know it’s hard for you to cope For you can’t feel my touch. But every moment, I can see and love you very much.

When you are at your lowest and feel you can’t go on, Look towards the heavens The light will be turned on.

Talk to me, just like you did On earth when I was there.You see, I’m not so far away …Only as far as a prayer.

And when it’s time for you to join Me up in Heaven above. It’s then that you will realize,The Golden Place of love.

For here there is no sadness,Just everlasting light.Someday we will be joined again,When it’s time to take your flight.

~Author~Ruth Ann Mahaffey

This is a beautiful story~~~

This is beautiful!



She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the
university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked.. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else.' I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.


It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:





Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things we boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.


Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was He. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.


Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.


Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone... I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?


Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.


THIS WAS EMAILED TO ME FROM A FRIEND, SO BEAUTIFUL~~~~~

My heart is hurting tonight~~~~

Ethan I miss you so much my heart is actually hurting~~~I miss everything about you, your butterfly kisses, the way you always held mommy in your arms, etc!!!! Went to the cemetary with pappy, I tried to stay strong for him, he misses you so very much. Please watch over daddy and guide him the right way~~~tomorrow we are going to the pens playoff game, but you already knew that, daddy and i are going to have dinner in the igloo club , watch the game, and meet some players maybe afterwards. I know i will feel you there with me, i will take your hockey fights cancer towel that you always waved and your crosby jersey~~~I am going to try to sleep but i usually do not because i only think of you and sissy and how cute you two would be together.

talk to you tomorrow my hero, love always, mommy

I miss you, someday we will be together again~~~

Ethan I went to the cemetary today, i took an angel statue (it is a little boy angel very cute), a memory rock, pinwheel (blue your favorite color), flowers and a cars balloon. I sat and cried about how much i miss you and want to be with you, but I guess daddy and sarah need me too~~~Andreas had there finale fundraiser for your all day today, they made quite a bit of money for your trust fund. Daddy was on tv thanking everybody for there support and talking about what happened since sept 1 and how much we miss you, i was crying. Sissy was talking to your mud puddle picture today, saying brother i love you, and now she says "hold" to me and puts her arms up, i think you taught her to do that silly boy~~~today i went back to bed after being up for 1 hour, i just wanted to lay and think about you and what we would be doing today and even in the future. Well we are suspossed to be going to the pens game on thursday night, we will wave your pens towel and you favorite crosby shirt, i still remember our special valentines date to the pens game, your loved watching the hockey, eating the food and being with your mommy~~~tomorrow i am taking pappy to your gravesite, i am sure we will shed some tears together he misses you so very much~~~well going to go try to sleep, sleep with the angels baby boy, i love you

MORE THAN CHOCOLATE!!

Love always, mommy

I love you so much ETHAN BUG!!!

Ethan Bug many many puddles out there today, I am looking for the perfect one for all of us to jump in~~Sissy was talking about brother alot today, I wish she could understand where you are, but she will know when she understands and she will know about the best big brother she had!! I did not here from pappy today, he is taking this very hard, you will always be his best little buddy. We met aunt lori, Uncle Timmy, Aunt Jackie and Uncle Shawn today, it went good until going to babies r us.I automatically went looking for boy clothes and realized i do not have a little boy to dress anymore, so i started to cry, simple things make me miss you like crazy!! Tomorrow we are going to hunters communion, it will be hard not having you there my love. Jaden released balloons for you today, you are his gaurdian angel, you will get him through this awful cancer!! Also i found out sidney crosby had your name written on his tape on his hockey stick, you have touched his life without even formally meeting him~~ well i will write more tomorrow,
I love and miss you so much,
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN CHOCOLATE, MOMMY