Please watch over all your friends especially Kadie!!

Ethan, we received not the best news from sarah (kadies mommy). she had her scans yesterday, it showed her tumor coming back. i could not sleep last night and my heart was racing, she was done with treatments and after 3 months that ugly cancer neuroblastoma came back. i still remember her last time in the hospital you both decided to not be cranky that day and wanted to have your date. so you both wanted soup from the snack cart and ate in the sun room with our battery opertated candle from christmas. from then on you called for kadie and called her your girlfriend as she did the same, you were her boyfriend. even after you were gone, they did tell kadie you died, when i went to visit kadie told me she will always have you as her boyfriend even when she gets married. i told her how special she is to me and that ethan is her special gaurdian angel now. she said i know. i still have to get myself together to call kadies mommy, i feel so bad for this news, please ethan tell god to let her become healthy again and to let her live her beautiful life with her parents, sisters and her friends and family. i will write again later~~~
i love you so very much and miss you sooo much, momma~~~

do you remember me????

hi ethan it is your momma~~sissy is napping and i thought i would write you a little letter. sitting her looking at the picture i found yesterday, we were at chuck e cheese's you went on the ride that a statue of chuch e cheese is in a car and you sat next to him and it printed a picture. you were smiling and had those so chubby cheeks, i miss them. i miss everything, i hope you remember me, i will never forget my first born baby that god decided he needed to take from me~~i try to talk constantly to sissy about you, the other day she told me she wanted you back and i had to explain to her that you died and you are in heaven watching her every move, so she grabbed your pooh bear and said i love you brudder. i still call her sissy, i cant stop calling her that, i am thankful that we have video of the 2 of you together. last week your stone was finaly put in, it is beautiful but not as beautiful as if you were here with me. fathers day was hard, daddy said to me do you think i was a good daddy to ethan, oh course he was. we still do the what if's but we do not 2nd guess any decitions we made together. sissy is calling me from her nap, i am going to go i will talk to you later.
loving and missing you so much, mommy~~
~~PLEASE WATCH OUT FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND KATIE SHE IS GETTING HER SCANS DONE TOMORROW TO MAKE SURE THE MONSTER "NEUROBLASTOMA" IS STILL AWAY~~

missing you is so hard!!!!

hi baby boy, i am sorry i have not been on your blog for a couple of weeks, momma will not let that happen again. Well since then, your birthday was here, you would have been my bubbly beautiful loving 3 year old. we had a wonderful balloon release and happy cake. also many others let balloons go in your memory, all over the place~~as of today we had 4 responses of people finding balloons, one was daddys!!

i have been having alot of hard days my baby boy, tomorrow is another friday. i hate fridays around this time because that is when god took you from me, it will be 11 weeks tomorrow.they are putting our stone in at the cemetary, sisy and i go constantly. she misses you so much, and i hope she never forgets you, i will not let that happen~~

yesterday was mommay's birthday, it was nice but i was missing you butterfly kisses and having happy cake with you!! in july sisy and i are going to see grammy aka "gigi" to sissy in florida. it will be hard making our first trip to see gammy without you, you would have loved the pools, the beach and just loving gammy!!!
well going to go i will be back, always know i am thinking of you constantly~~~

missing you like crazy and more than chocolate, mommy!!

ethan my hero

ethan i sit here wondering what you would be doing today~~would you still be playing hockey (of course), potty trained, loving everybody (of course again). you would still be going through treatments, i feel bad still how fast you got sick and how most of the remainder of your precious beautiful life was spent in the hospital~~i went to visit your girlfriend kadie the other day, it was a beatiful day, sarah played with kadie, gracie and jo and kadies mom , sarah, and i talked. kadie told me she will always remember her boyfriend and i told her you would be watching over her constantly~~in 1 1/2 days on may 29,2010 @ 8:44am, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN 3!! aunt jackie and i will be visiting you at the cemetary in the am then in the afternoon we are going to release balloons and people that do not live here or are going to be away are releasing their own balloons, we made a special tag to go on the balloon and i told everyone to takes pictures or video~~~then everyone can help themselves to some happy cake, this is what you always called birthday cake. i am getting very anxious about your birthday coming and you are not here. a child is not susposed to die before their mommy or daddy. sissy is the one getting me and daddy through, i do thank god for her, but i am still mad he took you away. sarah and i went to the cemetary today because she loves to go see her "brudder", she helped me water your flowers, fresh cut ones in a vase since your stone is still not here, she smelled them and said okay and then kissed your angel statue. and all the way to the car she always yells, I LOVE YOU BRUDDER~~~we all love and miss you so much, it hurts so much not to hold you, kiss you, feel you or talk to you. i still remeber the day i met you,on may 29,2007. i knew being a mommy was going to be so wonderful and it was and still is, but it is sad not having you here~~~
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, EVEN MORE THAN CHOCOLATE~~~~MOMMY

Ethan, I walked at relay for life for you!!!

Ethan another hard day but i needed to do this. I attended the relay for life, the phil (aunt heidi's team) dedicated their walk to your memory~~we decorated the table for you birthday, we had colorful balloons, "happy cake" and lots of pictures of you!! I smiled, I cried and at times I was mad because god did not let you be a survivor!! I dreamed one day you and pappy would do the survivor lap together hand in hand!! the luminary ceremony was very hard for me and for daddy, he had to leave and go home because the lady speaking said "god gives you what you can handle", we can not hear that from anyones mouth, but i stayed and daddy needed his time. i sat in front of one of your many bags and pappy's bag was right beside you~~i cried during the song "will you remember me", i hope you do i will never ever forget you, nobody will, i tried to be the very best mommy. going to go need some sleep because tomorrow is sissy's march for babies walk, TEAM SARAH PATRICIA. we are walking in memory of you baby boy. sissy told me you sleep in her bed the other night, so beautiful, she loves you and talks to you everyday~~sleep with the angels baby.
love always, mommy

Ethan you have been gone 6 weeks, missing you so much!!!

Ethan today is friday , i hate fridays since you died. it has been 6 weeks, i still think of you constantly and i always end up crying. today was a beautiful day, you would have been running around in your diaper (you hated clothes when it was warm)but maybe by now you would have been in big boy pants?? i always wonder what you would be doing~~next saturday you would be turning 3, we would be having the biggest party (now it will be sending you balloons and eating cake), you would be getting ready for preschool (you would have won over the teachers with your smile and would have so many friends because you loved everyone).
tomorrow i am walking in the "relay for life" the phil team, they dedicated this year to you, we are decorating for your birthday. ethan you are my inspiration. i hope this helps to never here "your child has cancer" or "there is nothing else that can be done with your child", these words still make me sick to this day. ETHANBUG YOU ARE MY SON BUT YOU ARE ALSO MY HERO, YOUR LIFE HAS TOUCHED SO MANY~~~
then on sunday we are walking in "march for babies" for sissy. last year you had so much fun and loved that your shirt said brother. i miss holding you in my arms, even though most nights after sept 1 it was in a hospital bed. also miss our talks at night and how you would say "hold", i always did my love. please continue to give me signs that you are here~~~
monday sarah and i are going to visit kadie (your girlfriend from childrens) and her family. you are the love of my life my handsome beautiful boy, my first born. i still remember the day you entered my life. it was the day i became a mommy, the most perfect day~~~i will talk to you again tomorrow. love and miss you so much my baby boy!!!

To Mommy From Ethan (WRITTEN BY AUNT JACKIE)

ethan aunt jackie told me she received this from heaven to deliver to me, i thank aunt jackie for writing this for me ~~~~~

Hi Mommy - Happy Mother's Day!
I know sometimes it seems like I'm far away

But I'm in heaven watching over you
And of course my Daddy and my Sissy too

I miss you Mommy, but it is so great here
The sun always shines and the skies are clear

I'm not hurting any more, I can run and play
I know you love me and miss me every day

But God needed me to be an angel and now I have my wings
I get to make rainbows and other pretty things

I make the sun shine - you can feel me in its rays
And I make the mud puddles on the rainy days!

I saw Sissy jumping in a mud puddle for me
She had on her rain hat and boy did she look silly!

I'm glad you tell Sissy all about her big brudder
Please always remind her how much I love her

I will always protect her and keep her safe from harm
I send you hugs through her, you can feel me in her arms

I told her she has to wipe your tears when you cry
I know you don't really understand why I had to die

I came down to earth to teach a lot of people how to love
But I couldn't stay forever, I was needed in heaven above

Mommy, you always knew I was special and now you know why
I'm an angel - I'm a hero - I'm your Ethan Bug - and now I can fly!

God sent me to you because he wanted me to learn about love
He knew I would feel it in my Mommy's kisses and hugs

Now my job as an angel is to put love in people's hearts
To teach them about kindness, and that love is where it starts

Thank you Mommy for teaching me what love is about
You are the bestest Mommy ever, there is no doubt

Please remember Mommy that I will live forever in your heart
So you see, we will never really be apart

And if you have days when you are sad and blue
Just remember Mommy - I love you even more than POOH!!

From your baby boy always and forever,
Ethan Bug