Thursday, June 24, 2010

Please watch over all your friends especially Kadie!!

Ethan, we received not the best news from sarah (kadies mommy). she had her scans yesterday, it showed her tumor coming back. i could not sleep last night and my heart was racing, she was done with treatments and after 3 months that ugly cancer neuroblastoma came back. i still remember her last time in the hospital you both decided to not be cranky that day and wanted to have your date. so you both wanted soup from the snack cart and ate in the sun room with our battery opertated candle from christmas. from then on you called for kadie and called her your girlfriend as she did the same, you were her boyfriend. even after you were gone, they did tell kadie you died, when i went to visit kadie told me she will always have you as her boyfriend even when she gets married. i told her how special she is to me and that ethan is her special gaurdian angel now. she said i know. i still have to get myself together to call kadies mommy, i feel so bad for this news, please ethan tell god to let her become healthy again and to let her live her beautiful life with her parents, sisters and her friends and family. i will write again later~~~
i love you so very much and miss you sooo much, momma~~~

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

do you remember me????

hi ethan it is your momma~~sissy is napping and i thought i would write you a little letter. sitting her looking at the picture i found yesterday, we were at chuck e cheese's you went on the ride that a statue of chuch e cheese is in a car and you sat next to him and it printed a picture. you were smiling and had those so chubby cheeks, i miss them. i miss everything, i hope you remember me, i will never forget my first born baby that god decided he needed to take from me~~i try to talk constantly to sissy about you, the other day she told me she wanted you back and i had to explain to her that you died and you are in heaven watching her every move, so she grabbed your pooh bear and said i love you brudder. i still call her sissy, i cant stop calling her that, i am thankful that we have video of the 2 of you together. last week your stone was finaly put in, it is beautiful but not as beautiful as if you were here with me. fathers day was hard, daddy said to me do you think i was a good daddy to ethan, oh course he was. we still do the what if's but we do not 2nd guess any decitions we made together. sissy is calling me from her nap, i am going to go i will talk to you later.
loving and missing you so much, mommy~~

Thursday, June 17, 2010

missing you is so hard!!!!

hi baby boy, i am sorry i have not been on your blog for a couple of weeks, momma will not let that happen again. Well since then, your birthday was here, you would have been my bubbly beautiful loving 3 year old. we had a wonderful balloon release and happy cake. also many others let balloons go in your memory, all over the place~~as of today we had 4 responses of people finding balloons, one was daddys!!

i have been having alot of hard days my baby boy, tomorrow is another friday. i hate fridays around this time because that is when god took you from me, it will be 11 weeks tomorrow.they are putting our stone in at the cemetary, sisy and i go constantly. she misses you so much, and i hope she never forgets you, i will not let that happen~~

yesterday was mommay's birthday, it was nice but i was missing you butterfly kisses and having happy cake with you!! in july sisy and i are going to see grammy aka "gigi" to sissy in florida. it will be hard making our first trip to see gammy without you, you would have loved the pools, the beach and just loving gammy!!!
well going to go i will be back, always know i am thinking of you constantly~~~

missing you like crazy and more than chocolate, mommy!!