Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Pymatuning trip~~~~

Ethan it is the time of year to go to our camp, i do not know if i can do it yet. i am still so fragile with my feeling and i will be for awhile but i do not know if i am ready yet~~the last time we were there you were just starting to show symptoms, oh baby give me a sigh what should i do. i will get there but i think it is so soon~~~that was and still is our family place, boating rides, swimming, mud puddles, ice cream at yorkies, talking walks and just loving each other. but you are missing and it just kills me inside. i am going to go dream of you, i will see you in my dreams~~
i love you and miss you so much my prince,mommy

mising you badly ethan bug~~~~~

Ethan hope you like the new pooh balloon i brought you today, also the grass is growing, also my heart and hands are longing for you. sissy came today for the first time, i explained how you were in the ground out of pain and no more cancer aka yuckies. she said so cute he brother blankie, i just looked at her, she said brother cold blankie. i just started to cry, whe ran to me and said hold like you always did and told me to stop and brushed my tears away. then this evening we were out towards the cemetary again so i asked daddy if he would stop, he said ok. see it was daddys first time coming since the funeral, he said the angel, little stone, balloon and blue pinwheel looked good. we cried together and both agreed it is not fair that we have to go see you , our baby boy, at the cemetary, you should be with us playing and loving life~~~

the last week has been so busy, we went to a pens game and were treated to dinner and tickets, the game lasted 6 periods. we did not win but i felt your presence their. i would look to where we sat on valentines day for the hockey game and cry, we had such a good time.
then saturday we still had the prom, we celebrated you beautiful life. there was laughter but there was also tears. in some pictures there is a circle that someone says means a spirit is there. well in one of the pics with me you must have been there on my chest, also in one with uncle joey there is a circle on his leg. i felt your presence~~~

today grammy went home , she had been here for awhile. she has been helping mommy get through this, she will be back to see us in june~~~sarah now calls her gigi, sarah keeps us all going these days. without her making us laugh and cry we do not know what we would do. we still call her sissy alot especially me. she talks to the pictures of you and the ones of you and her, she always grabs the phone and starts taking to brother~~she loves you so much, and i will make sure she never ever forgets you!!!

i love you so much baby boy,
even more than chocolate~~~

you mommy always and forever

~~mommy added a family picture and a picture of your beautiful sissy~~

Friday, April 23, 2010

From Your Angel in Heaven

I see tears fall down your face when your thoughts have turned to me. Just know that I’m in heaven,With my Lord, who’s set me free. No pain or sadness do I feel,For God is by my side.

The beauty here in Heaven is now where I reside. I know it’s hard for you to cope For you can’t feel my touch. But every moment, I can see and love you very much.

When you are at your lowest and feel you can’t go on, Look towards the heavens The light will be turned on.

Talk to me, just like you did On earth when I was there.You see, I’m not so far away …Only as far as a prayer.

And when it’s time for you to join Me up in Heaven above. It’s then that you will realize,The Golden Place of love.

For here there is no sadness,Just everlasting light.Someday we will be joined again,When it’s time to take your flight.

~Author~Ruth Ann Mahaffey

This is a beautiful story~~~

This is beautiful!

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked.. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else.' I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things we boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was He. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone... I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My heart is hurting tonight~~~~

Ethan I miss you so much my heart is actually hurting~~~I miss everything about you, your butterfly kisses, the way you always held mommy in your arms, etc!!!! Went to the cemetary with pappy, I tried to stay strong for him, he misses you so very much. Please watch over daddy and guide him the right way~~~tomorrow we are going to the pens playoff game, but you already knew that, daddy and i are going to have dinner in the igloo club , watch the game, and meet some players maybe afterwards. I know i will feel you there with me, i will take your hockey fights cancer towel that you always waved and your crosby jersey~~~I am going to try to sleep but i usually do not because i only think of you and sissy and how cute you two would be together.

talk to you tomorrow my hero, love always, mommy

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I miss you, someday we will be together again~~~

Ethan I went to the cemetary today, i took an angel statue (it is a little boy angel very cute), a memory rock, pinwheel (blue your favorite color), flowers and a cars balloon. I sat and cried about how much i miss you and want to be with you, but I guess daddy and sarah need me too~~~Andreas had there finale fundraiser for your all day today, they made quite a bit of money for your trust fund. Daddy was on tv thanking everybody for there support and talking about what happened since sept 1 and how much we miss you, i was crying. Sissy was talking to your mud puddle picture today, saying brother i love you, and now she says "hold" to me and puts her arms up, i think you taught her to do that silly boy~~~today i went back to bed after being up for 1 hour, i just wanted to lay and think about you and what we would be doing today and even in the future. Well we are suspossed to be going to the pens game on thursday night, we will wave your pens towel and you favorite crosby shirt, i still remember our special valentines date to the pens game, your loved watching the hockey, eating the food and being with your mommy~~~tomorrow i am taking pappy to your gravesite, i am sure we will shed some tears together he misses you so very much~~~well going to go try to sleep, sleep with the angels baby boy, i love you


Love always, mommy

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I love you so much ETHAN BUG!!!

Ethan Bug many many puddles out there today, I am looking for the perfect one for all of us to jump in~~Sissy was talking about brother alot today, I wish she could understand where you are, but she will know when she understands and she will know about the best big brother she had!! I did not here from pappy today, he is taking this very hard, you will always be his best little buddy. We met aunt lori, Uncle Timmy, Aunt Jackie and Uncle Shawn today, it went good until going to babies r us.I automatically went looking for boy clothes and realized i do not have a little boy to dress anymore, so i started to cry, simple things make me miss you like crazy!! Tomorrow we are going to hunters communion, it will be hard not having you there my love. Jaden released balloons for you today, you are his gaurdian angel, you will get him through this awful cancer!! Also i found out sidney crosby had your name written on his tape on his hockey stick, you have touched his life without even formally meeting him~~ well i will write more tomorrow,
I love and miss you so much,

An angel named Ethan,This was written and read by Aunt Jackie at your wake~~

An angel named Ethan

On May 29, 2007, an angel named Ethan was sent down from heaven

His mommy took one look at him, and gave him a big hug
And she sang to him, “I’m in love with an Ethan Bug”

He was born with chubby cheeks and pretty eyes of blue
He got those from his mommy, and his pretty smile too

From his daddy, he got his big booming laugh
He had the best parents any little boy could have

You see, God knew this boy would need a special family
Which is why he sent him to live with Ken and Kelly

No two parents have ever loved their children more
It’s amazing what these two parents have endured

Ethan’s little sissy Sarah was a premature baby
When asked if she would survive, the doctors said maybe

She was a little fighter, right from the start
Mommy called her “Special Peanut” and opened up her heart

The Loneys now had two babies within 9 months of each other
Ethan would say that’s my Sissy and I’m the big brother!

Sarah was in the NICU for 3 long months while she grew
Into the happy, healthy girl who is now a terrible two

The Loneys finally had both of their babies home together
They told both of them we will love you always and forever

Two blonde haired babes and their doggy named Betsy
Playing, laughing, and naturally fighting occasionally

I love when the Loneys visit me and Uncle Shawn
Ethan liked to jump in my mud puddle and play golf on the lawn

And Sarah, well I call her my little Miss Stinkerbell
And sometimes Miss Cantankerous when she isn’t behaving well

Ethan and Sarah and their friend Taylor liked to play together
And Taylor told Ethan, “You’ll be my best friend forever”

Ethan was 100% boy – he loved to play in the mud and the dirt
Then all of the sudden he stared telling Mommy and Daddy “I hurt”

His mom and dad wouldn’t give up, they knew Ethan wasn’t himself
And they weren’t about to take any chances with their sons health

The horrible news came in September of last year
The Loneys got the news no parent ever wants to hear

The doctors told them their precious son had cancer
We all asked why, but no one could give an answer

Ethan went through months of hell, but all the while
He kept his fighting spirit and his beautiful smile

All the doctors and nurses fell in love, but that’s no surprise
It happened to anyone as soon as they saw those big blue eyes

Ken and Kelly have so many friends and family who showed their love
We all tried to support them and prayed to God up above

We all prayed for a miracle to make Ethan healthy again
But God had a different plan, which we are trying to comprehend

God wanted his angel to come back to heaven you see
I guess God needed him more than you and me

It’s really not hard to figure out why
God made an angel out of our little guy

For he’ll watch over us all and keep us safe
He’s now with his Nana Pat in a special place

On April 9 of 2010, our special angel Ethan went to heaven again.

The Brave Little Soul, Sister Lisa read this at your funeral mass!!

The Brave Little Soul
By: John Alessi

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?” God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,” she asked.” God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love – to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you. God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced.

In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.” Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God’s strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Friday, April 16, 2010

You have been gone 1 week~~~~

Ethan you have been gone 1 week today, you left my arms to go to heaven and be cancer free and play in mud puddles~~I spent time at the cemetary, I ate lunch with you and we watched some planes come into the airport, those plans fly right in front of you. I can not wait for the grass to grow so i can plant some flowers and make your space look nice, believe me I would rather have you here~~Grammy found the nicest gift today, it is a little cup that says "I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE THAN CHOCOLATE", I look at it and reminds me of you, every day and night I would say that so many times!! It rained alot today and all I thought about was the mud puddles we would be jumping in. Sarah went and spent the day with uncle timmy and aunt lori, she misses you but she does not understand. She will always know and remember you, I even bought her a new onesie that says "little sister". Everyone misses you so much.
Well going to try to get some sleep, but remember I LOVE YOU MORE THAN CHOCOLATE"

Love you always and forever, mommy

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Ethan I think of you constantly, everything reminds me of you. I sit here crying, I just want to touch you, hold you, talk to you, but you are not in pain anymore~~We picked up all the flowers this morning from the funeral home, I can not believe how many flowers and other items we received, but you were loved so much by so many. Everyday is going to be so hard, I do not want to live my life without you, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU~~~I will write more tomorrow, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN:


Sleep well my baby boy~~~

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

We buried you today~~~~

Ethan we had to say goodbye today, it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. I still can not believe we lost our fight against Neuroblastoma. You had a rough time the entire time we had to fight. I am so proud to be your mommy, so many people came to celebrate you life today, the sun was out and from your grave you get to see airplanes coming in and taking off something you always enjoyed~~Sissy asked for you today but she does not understand that her big brother died she is only 2, but she loved you so very much, we will keep your memory alive by talking with her about you and showing her the many many pictures I have of you both. Daddy misses you so much also, he had so many things he planned to do with his only son. I will write to you again tomorrow my sweet ETHAN BUG~~~I LOVE YOU MORE THAN CHOCOLATE~~~