Ethan Bug's Blog: I miss you so much, my heart hurts and will never be the same~~~

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I miss you so much, my heart hurts and will never be the same~~~

Hi baby boy, I am sorry I have not wrote to you in awhile. I think and want you so bad every single day/night~~Sarah and I went to visit gammy, we had a great time in th pool, the ocean, feeding turtles and so much more but esprcially loving your gammy but we all missed you so much. you would have enjoyed everything.
I am still so mad at god i wish i could find out why, why my baby that loved life so very much had to leave my arms. I know i will never get the answers until we meet again. I do know you are cancer free and pain free and you are running around again. i know you are constantly with me i can feel you and i believe you are one of the many butterflies i see constantly~~
Sarah still talks to you daily on the phone, she also sees brother in the back alot. i know you will always be there for her. she is 2 but she misses you so much, i will make sure she never forgets you.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER, MOMMY

2 comments:

TammyAugust 5, 2010 at 11:07 PM
I just had a friend lose her 6 year old daughter to a bacterial infection. I can read your pain and know how she must feel. I don't know what to say to her...I am at a loss of words. I love your letters to Ethan, thanks for sharing them with us!
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supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girlSeptember 3, 2010 at 1:07 PM
were all so mad
so very very mad

now the news of jules

its endless
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What is Neuroblastoma?

Overview
Neuroblastoma is a malignant (cancerous) tumor that develops from nerve tissue. It occurs in infants and children.
Symptoms
The first symptoms are usually fever, a general sick feeling (malaise), and pain. There may also be loss of appetite, weight loss, and diarrhea.
Other symptoms depend on the site of the tumor, and may include:
Bone pain or tenderness (if the cancer spreads to the bones)
Difficulty breathing or a chronic cough (if the cancer spreads to the chest)
Enlarged abdomen (from a large tumor or excess fluid)
Flushed, red skin
Pale skin and bluish color around the eyes
Profuse sweating
Rapid pulse (tachycardia)
Brain and nervous system problems may include:
Inability to empty the bladder
Loss of movement (paralysis) of the hips, legs, or feet (lower extremities)
Problems with balance
Uncontrolled eye movements or leg and feet movements (called opsoclonus-myoconus syndrome, or "dancing eyes and dancing feet")
Treatment
Treatment varies depending on the location of the tumor, how much and where the tumor has spread, and the age of the patient. In certain cases, surgery alone is enough, but often other therapies are needed. Anticancer medications (chemotherapy) may be recommended if the tumor is widespread. Radiation therapy may also be used.
Causes
Neuroblastoma can occur in many areas of the body. It develops from the tissues that form the sympathetic nervous system (the part of the nervous system that controls body functions, such as heart rate and blood pressure, digestion, and levels of certain hormones).
Most neuroblastomas begin in the abdomen in the adrenal gland or next to the spinal cord, or in the chest. They may also start in other areas. Neuroblastomas can spread to the bones (face, skull, pelvis, shoulders, arms, and legs), bone marrow, liver, lymph nodes, skin, and around the eyes (orbits).
The cause of the tumor is unknown. Neuroblastoma is most commonly diagnosed in children before age 5. The disorder occurs in approximately 1 out of 100,000 children and is slightly more common in boys.
In most patients, the neuroblastoma has already spread when it is first diagnosed.
Tests & diagnosis
Signs vary depending on the location of the tumor. Examination of the abdomen with the hands (palpation) may reveal a mass. The liver may be enlarged, if the tumor has spread to the liver. Adrenal gland tumors can cause high blood pressure and a fast heart rate. Lymph nodes may be swollen.
X-ray or imaging tests are done to locate the main (primary) tumor and to see where it has spread. These include:
Bone scan
Bone x-rays
Chest x-ray
CT scan of chest and abdomen
MRI scan of chest and abdomen
Other tests include:
Biopsy of tumor
Bone marrow biopsy
CBC showing anemia or other abnormality
Coagulation studies, erythrocyte sedimentation rate
Hormone tests (blood tests to check levels of hormones such as epinephrine and other catecholamines)
MIBG scan
Urine 24-hour test for catecholamines, homovanillic acid (HVA) and vanillymandelic acid (VMA)
Prognosis
The expected outcome varies. In very young children with neuroblastoma, the tumor may go away on its own, without any treatment, or the tissues of the tumor may mature and develop into a benign (non-cancerous) tumor called a ganglioneuroma, which can be surgically removed. In other cases, the tumor spreads rapidly.
Response to treatment also varies. Treatment is often successful if the cancer has not spread, but if it has been spread, neuroblastoma is much harder to cure. Younger children often do better than older children.
Tumors with certain genetic characteristics may be harder to cure.
Children treated for neuroblastoma may be at risk for getting a second, different cancer in the future.
Complications
Spread (metastasis) of the tumor
Damage and loss of function of involved organ(s)
Kidney failure
Liver failure
Loss of blood cells produced by the bone marrow
Decreased resistance to infection
Other organ system failures

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I miss you so much, my heart hurts and will never be the same~~~

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