Friday, May 21, 2010
Ethan you have been gone 6 weeks, missing you so much!!!
Ethan today is friday , i hate fridays since you died. it has been 6 weeks, i still think of you constantly and i always end up crying. today was a beautiful day, you would have been running around in your diaper (you hated clothes when it was warm)but maybe by now you would have been in big boy pants?? i always wonder what you would be doing~~next saturday you would be turning 3, we would be having the biggest party (now it will be sending you balloons and eating cake), you would be getting ready for preschool (you would have won over the teachers with your smile and would have so many friends because you loved everyone).
tomorrow i am walking in the "relay for life" the phil team, they dedicated this year to you, we are decorating for your birthday. ethan you are my inspiration. i hope this helps to never here "your child has cancer" or "there is nothing else that can be done with your child", these words still make me sick to this day. ETHANBUG YOU ARE MY SON BUT YOU ARE ALSO MY HERO, YOUR LIFE HAS TOUCHED SO MANY~~~
then on sunday we are walking in "march for babies" for sissy. last year you had so much fun and loved that your shirt said brother. i miss holding you in my arms, even though most nights after sept 1 it was in a hospital bed. also miss our talks at night and how you would say "hold", i always did my love. please continue to give me signs that you are here~~~
monday sarah and i are going to visit kadie (your girlfriend from childrens) and her family. you are the love of my life my handsome beautiful boy, my first born. i still remember the day you entered my life. it was the day i became a mommy, the most perfect day~~~i will talk to you again tomorrow. love and miss you so much my baby boy!!!